「什么样的对话,只有可能在中国发生?」
提问者还补充了一句:“吃了吗” 已经烂大街了。
没办法,咱们中国人、中国文化、中国语言……只要跟中国有关的东西,在老外眼中都是神一般的存在。
Lucky Money 1 关于压岁钱
My aunt: Happy new year, here is a pocket for you. Me: No, I am not able to get your money. Aunt:Hold this, you can use the money to buy some clothes. Me: I can’t. My parents don’t allow me to take your money. Aunt: Blabla... Me: Nonono...
阿姨:新年好!来,给你个红包。 我:不了,我不能收! 阿姨:拿着吧,去买衣服! 我:我不能收。我爸妈不让我拿您的钱。 阿姨:¥%……%&%……¥% 我:不行不行! ——@Minna Hayashi
其中的套路,相信每个中国人都懂的。
这绝壁是一场心理拉锯战啊朋友们!不拒绝,会让亲戚觉得自己很贪婪,可是,又真的很担心推着推着钱就被收回去了——所以,非常考验双方“演员”的语言表达能力和肢体协调能力。
最简单的方式:阿姨,您直接打我支付宝吧!
Birth 2 关于出生
Me: Mum, where did I come from? Mum: You were picked up from a dustbin near our home.
我:妈妈,我是从哪里来的呀? 妈妈:你是妈妈在家附近的垃圾堆里捡来的。 ——@Hannah Wang
谢谢妈妈,还好你没说我是充话费送的=.=|||
Door Knocking 3 关于敲门 There comes a knock on the door.
Who is it? Me. Who? Me. [insistently, perhaps slightly-hysterically] Who the hell are you? Me!
有人敲门。
谁? 我。 谁? 我。 [继续坚持,甚至有些歇斯底里]你TM到底是谁? 我啊!
Chinese 4 关于中文 (I'm sure everyone has this one) Me: Ni Hao
Any Chinese person I ever said this to: Wow, your Chinese is so good! Me: ???
(我保证每个老外都经历过) 我:你好! 每个听到我说这句话的中国人:哇!你的中文太棒了! 我:??? ——@Christy Vickers 仿佛看到了这位老外满脸黑人问号。
Teacher/Student 5 老师和学生
T:Did you see the result of exam? It is so bad. S:Yes , I am sorry ,I made some mistakes. T:No ,there must be something wrong with you. Are you in a relationship? S:no…. T:I will talk to your parents. S:……..
老师:你看到考试成绩了吗?太差了! 学生:看到了,对不起,我犯了一些错误。 老师:不是的,你肯定出了问题。是不是谈恋爱了? 学生:没有…… 老师:我要跟你家长谈一谈。 学生:…… ——@Freja Xia
Marriage 6 关于婚姻
Children/Parents P:Are you dating with someone?(asking with a kind smile) C:No, I am busy with my work. P:Don’t just focus on your job, just try to date someone. You are 25+ years old, not a kid any more(speaking with a rising voice). You see, some of your friends were even married,but you are still alone.
孩子和父母 父母:谈恋爱了吗?(关爱的笑容) 孩子:没有,工作太忙。 父母:别光顾着工作,该谈恋爱了。你都过了25了,不是小孩子了(语调上升)。你看,你的朋友都结婚了,你还是单身。
——@Robyn Simmons 不得不说这位老外已掌握中国国情的精髓。
Hot Water 7 关于热水 Me: I caught a cold.
Friend: Drink hot water!!!
我:我感冒了。 朋友:喝点热水!!!
——@Andrés Parzanese 所以妹子们,不要再抱怨来姨妈时男票只会叫你多喝热水。你们错怪自己的男票了,全中国都这样!
Japanese product 8 关于日货 Some jerk: " Wow, it's a Sony mobile phone."
Me: " Yes."
Him:"Why you no boycott Japanese product?"
Me: "......"
某个混蛋:哇!索尼手机! 我:是啊。 他:为什么你不抵制日货? 我:……
——@Akiyama Ryuou
活捉一名键盘侠!
Examination 9 关于考试 (After an exam, before the final result comes out)
Classmate A:I think I've failed the Math one.
Classmate B:So do I.
Me:Stop joking.
A&B:We were not,really.
Eventually, they got 100% and I failed.
(考试结束后,分数公布前) A同学:我觉得我数学要挂了。 B同学:我也觉得。 我:你们别闹了! A和B:我们没有,真的。
最后,他们得了满分,我挂了。
——@Stanley L 这种同学大家应该都有吧?人与人之间最基本的信任呢?
10 只有在中国才会发生的对话,No.1必须是:↓
—How are you? —Fine, thank you, and you? —I'm fine too.
不接受反驳~
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